Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Worst Fashion Fads of the '90s

I know I haven’t written in a while so this blog post better be damn good. I searched my brain and came up with one of my favorite topics. The ‘90s. As a child growing up in the ‘90s I witnessed (and participated in) some pretty extreme clothing fads. I could go on forever with all the hideous, neon-colored get ups I (and thousands of others) adorned in our heyday; but I chose to make a list. Surprised? I knew you would be.  

My picks on this list were based on some specific criteria. A) what styles am I happy to never see again and B) the most popular (at least in my neck of the woods) fashion choices being made in the ‘90s.


1. Bucket hats

You know what I’m talking about. The hats that don’t look good anyone but a newborn baby. They’re supposed to keep your face out of the sun. They do the job at the risk of you looking like an overgrown toddler going to the beach with your mom. Blossom really got this trend rollin’ in 1990 with her colored bucket hats decorated with big flowers. But the trend persevered on and my favorite Backstreet Boy Nick Carter was still rockin’ it in 1999. Sigh.

2. Tribal Tattoos

As a pre-teen, nothing was sexier than a beefy boy bander with a tribal tattoo around his bicep. As a young woman, nothing is a bigger turn off. I am not quite sure what the history is on this tat (I don’t really care enough to look it up) but it certainly made its mark on the ‘90s. All the cool boys had one and unfortunately, are probably looking at it now and wishing they hadn’t given in to their impulses when they were 18.

3. Platform Flip Flops

 As a flip flop hater in my early teens ( I couldn’t stand the thing between my tow) I frowned upon this trend. Seeing some girl in the deli with huge platform white flip flops on made me think of a stripper. Your 8 year old daughter does not need to be 5’6 you can skip the platforms. What really got me was when the flops got dirty so the white looked more beige-brown. Then you looked like a dirty stripper. And who likes those?

4. Parachute Pants

 Hot Topic kids know what I am talking about. Those pants that just ballooned out making  a normal sized person seem like a hippo. They came in all colors and some had attached chains. These pants were usually reserved for the punks or goths that didn’t want to conform to wearing jeans. A part of me always thought they looked comfy (like XXXL sweats) but I never did get the nerve to purchase them. I pray every night they never make a return.

5. Male Tank Tops

 This was more an early ‘90s fashion statement. I would know because my Dad still rocks them. Not so much the mesh ones (Like the guy who sings “I’m Too Sexy”) but the male tank with the huge armpit holes. I see American Eagle is starting to sell these again with their logo. I don’t care how ripped one is, male tanks should be banned. By a tight tee. Take off your shirt. Wear a beater (if you are a guido) but please…don’t wear the tank.

6. Visors

Another unfortunate choice of headwear. I will admit I owned a baby blue Old Navy visor and put my ponytail through it once at a Mets game. You got me. That doesn’t compare to those crazy kids who spiked their hair so it stood straight up under the visor. Or god forbid those daredevils that put the visor UPSIDE DOWN on their head. What rebels. I am glad to see this fad is not likely to make a comeback. No one looks good in a visor. Unless you worked at Carvel and had crusted ice cream on it like myself. Now THAT was a fashion statement.

7. Slogan shirts

 This covers all the “I’m with stupid” shirts and mostly every shirt sold at Hot Topic with little caricatures and stupid sayings. To be 100% honest as soon as I see these shirts on people I judge them. Quickly and without remorse. If you have any self respect, no matter how little, do NOT buy a shirt with a stupid saying. Even if the saying is a tad humorous. It won’t be by the third time you wear the shirt. Cartman is funny. On your shirt, he is not. Just…don’t. No one wants to date someone who wears these shirts. Trust me on that.
8. Bowl Cuts

 The hair most boys (and some girls) rocked to death. Was there really any other type of male hairstyle in the ‘90s minus the mullet? Again, Nick Carter had one so I thought it was sexy. After a couple of years, it split so you can see the guy’s forehead (so a half bowl cut?) and the hair just went all the way around. I didn’t hate it at the time but looking back…it was a no go. Unless your child is 5 or under please don’t allow them to keep this haircut.

9. Overalls with one shoulder unbuckled

 If you can’t picture what I am talking about you definitely didn’t get out much. Overalls were my go to when I was younger. It was like an older version of the onesie. But then pop culture had to kick them up a notch and have all the latest hunks wear ‘em with one side unbuckled. Amazing. I wish I could just blame the guys on this one, but plenty of girls rocked this style too. Unfortunate for all.

10. Jelly shoes

 One of my staples growing up. Immensely uncomfortable and left your feet black in ten minutes. But they were all the rage! Came in every style and color and matched everything! Didn’t matter that they provided no support and left your feet throbbing. They were like $10 and fashionable which is al I (and countless others) cared about at the time. I cannot look at a pair of these without shuddering now.

I know I skipped over a lot. Again, this list could have gone on for days. Is there any specific ‘90s fad you absolutely hated??

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